Friday's Top Ten

Top ten signs you might need a beer:

10. You're late to pick up kids from school, back out of your driveway, and knock over your fully loaded trashcan that still hasn't been picked up.

  9. The trashcan falls on the neighbor's cat.

  8. The cat screeches and flies into the street in front of the neighbor's car.

  7. The neighbor swerves to avoid her cat and hits the streetlight pole.

  6. The streetlight falls onto the fire hydrant and opens the valve.

  5. Water fountains from the hydrant onto the cat, who's busy inspecting the spilled trash, and pushes the cat into the street. Again.

  4. The neighbor gets out of her car, tries to catch her cat, and slips on the wet pavement - right in front of the teenager from the next block who thinks he's Jimmie Johnson and Helio Castroneves rolled into one.

  3. The teenager slams on his brakes, slides into the trashcan (sending it flying into the air), up onto the sidewalk, and comes to a stop in your yard - inches from a massive oak.

  2. While you're gawking at the teen, the trash can plummets to earth upside down and lands on top of you, knocking you to the ground.

And the #1 reason you might need a beer:

  1. Your cell rings. It's your husband. "Hey, I'm bringing my boss home for dinner. Can you make lasagne?"


Mason Canyon said…
OMG, after that I'd say at least 2 beers are needed. Always love your Friday's Top Ten. Thanks for the laugh and have a great weekend.

Thoughts in Progress
Joanne said…
LOL. The real question is, is this post based on a real-life experience? I hope not!
It’s great starting the morning off with a laugh and the confidence that my day has got to be better than that one. I'm wondering the same thing as Joanne - if it comes from personal experience?)
Carol Kilgore said…
Mason - Maybe a six-pack! Except for picking up the kids. And trash. And making dinner - LOL.

Joanne - I've never experienced this EXACT sequence of events.

Jane - But I have had days that ramped up from one unbelievable event to another, each one more outrageous.
Laura Eno said…
Beware the trash can...recycle everything! :)
I think I'd skip the beer and go back to bed, tell my husband I'm deathly ill and take the boss out to dinner.
Shirley said…
Under no circumstances would I ever need a BEER! YUCK!!!! It even smells disgusting.

But if I may have a Pina Colada??????
arlee bird said…
That's quite a chain of events. I'd opt for Lasagna delivered from Dominoes and a six pack of Coronas that I'd use to chase my shots of Drambuie. Shhurre, bring home the bossh.

Tossing It Out
Carol Kilgore said…
Laura - You're way more organized than I am.

Shirley - Love the smell of pina coladas but they're way too sweet for me. I'll stick with beer or very dry wine. You can have all the pina coladas you want!

Arlee - Dominos & Drambuie ... what a combo :)
I'd say a whole case of beer at that point!

And I have a little surprise for you today!
This is absolutely wonderful, Carol. I LOVE your top tens!
Anonymous said…
I think you're going to need something stronger than a beer.

I loved reading this. The really funny thing is that you could just see anyone of those things happening and leading to the next one.
This is very funny. I'm thinking after all that, you deserve a beer big time.
Carol Kilgore said…
Alex - I love surprises.

Elspeth - Thanks!

Cassandra - Glad you enjoyed the post.

Teresa - Me, too :)
Jan Christensen said…
This is hilarious. You should expand it into a short story. Or a movie. I saw a female Chevy Chase as the main character.
Maryann Miller said…
LOL. I knew right away that some of it was true. Probably not hurting the cat, though, right?
Carol Kilgore said…
Jan - Made you laugh! Maybe a short, but probably not.

Maryann - I'd never hurt a cat or dog or anything else. Except maybe a spider or mosquito.
M. Gray said…
You're great at stringing crazy event to crazy event. Must come handle in your novel writing. ;)
Carol Kilgore said…
I'm forever asking What If or What Next or What Could Be Worse.
Southpaw said…
What a day! Yeah, I'm all for going back to bed too.
Carol Kilgore said…
You and Laura! I think I'll stick with a beer.
Talli Roland said…
Crazy! I'd need a drink after #1 (not beer though - a cocktail or wine, please!).
Carol Kilgore said…
Step right up - the bar is open.
Anonymous said…
While I don't drink beer I do think that warrants at least two glasses of wine. Oye! And, btw, Lol!!!!

I hope the only thing that happened to you, if any, was number one. :)
Carol Kilgore said…
I like some wine - not too sweet. I'm probably better off not admitting which of these I've experienced, but I do write fiction :)