Friday's Top Ten

Top ten things to mention in your query:

10. All your friends love your story.

  9. Your story will be the next mega bestseller.

  8. Your story combines the best of Rowling, Brown, Patterson, and Meyer.

  7. The protagonist is perfection.

  6. The antagonist is evil incarnated.

  5. The names of your children and/or pets.

  4. What you did on your last vacation.

  3. You're certain the agent will be a perfect match for you because both of you loved Avatar.

  2. You've made a collage of the agent's photos collected from the internet.

And the #1 thing to mention in your query:

  1. I'll call you tomorrow to make sure you received my query.

Shared with tongue firmly in cheek :)


Mason Canyon said…
Always love your Friday's Top Ten list. I'd say #1 hits the spot.

Thoughts in Progress
If that worked, I'd try it!
Joanne said…
I wonder how many of these things agents do actually see, and how often! Happy Friday to you.
Carol Kilgore said…
Mason - Thanks. Just what agents want to read, right?

Alex - Me, too :)

Joanne - Imagine they see these kinds of things way more than they'd like to. Happy Friday back!
Ann Best said…
Irony is a very effective tool. Thanks for making me chuckle on a Friday that's actually sunny (here) for a change. Reading through this just added to my enjoyment.
Aubrie said…
This is my favorite list! I have all of those things in my query and a bribe with cookies as well :)
KarenG said…
Best post of the day BY FAR!!!
Carol Kilgore said…
Ann - Enjoy the sun!

Aubrie - Good for you - especially the cookies - LOL!

Karen - Thank you. I'm humbled.

Elana - Thanks!
Helen Ginger said…
Well, crapiola, can I un-send an email that was sent a week ago? Awh, man, I mass-sent it to 52 agents, too.

Straight From Hel
Ha! And Helen--just start calling the agent's home phone numbers...
cassandrajade said…
I'm sure that adding the names of your children and pets would just clinch it.

Thanks for making us smile.
Carol Kilgore said…
Helen - Of course ... mass-send that sucker!

Conda - Good! Go straight for the home phone, not the office one.

Cassandra - Yep! You're welcome.
Laura Eno said…
Hilarious list - too bad some people actually do those things!
kanishk said…
I wonder how many of these things agents do actually see, and how often
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Talli Roland said…
Hahaha! Love this! Of course you need to call to follow-up... yeah, right. Hope you're having a great weekend.
Shirley said…
I'm always a day late on the Friday Top Tens, but I still look for it. This one is adorable!
Carol Kilgore said…
Thanks, Teresa.

Shirley, whenever you read is fine. I'm happy whenever you visit.

Talli, follow-up is always important - LOL.

I'm guessing a lot of people do one or more of these things, Laura. Some because they believe the guidelines don't apply to them and some out of ignorance because they haven't researched how to write a query.

Thanks to everyone for commenting.
How did you know exactly what I'd plan to write in my query letter? Spooky. Another winning top 10 Carol! I love these!
Carol Kilgore said…
Cue the Twilight Zone theme - LOL